Person having MAiD did not want others to know | “It was his choice … if he wanted everyone to know, he could have told them.” (Interview 1) “[spouse] didn’t want no one to know. … she didn’t even want her father to know, her brother to know. … It was our 2 kids, her best friend and my 2 neighbours, which had to sign a consent form, right. … I had to go out and tell [spouse]’s father what had happened … he knew that [spouse] was going to do it but [spouse] didn’t want him to know.” (Interview 8) “Nobody else really knew about it. I didn’t tell my children until everything was decided. It was like the day before. He didn’t want anybody to know. He wanted it to be his decision and he wanted that power. … And he didn’t want the kids to know. And I said, ‘Well, you know, I don’t agree with that, but I will do it.’” (Interview 9) |
Not wanting to defend someone else’s MAiD decision | “When it was over, I didn’t have the strength to tell the truth, to have to sit in discussion with a dozen people and justify [husband]’s decision.” (Interview 7) “People who are not very close … it’s irrelevant to them. … I really don’t want them to ask questions about [MAiD], snooping.” (Interview 22) “It absolutely felt like I was keeping this weird secret, partially for my own selfpreservation and partly because I felt like it was a private decision. And legally you’re allowed to be absolutely private about it and I agree with that 100%, nobody deserves to know, you know, nobody’s entitled to information. … it’s still awkward, it really is.” (Interview 27) |
MAiD is (not) a dirty secret | “I just felt like it was a big, bad, dirty secret.” (Interview 6) “She didn’t shy away from it. She wanted people to know she’d used MAiD, she put that in her obituary. Thisthis was not a secret. And so I think by not making it a secret, even though people didn’t always understand, they can still be supportive.” (Interview 22) “It feels like this is, like, some kind of shameful secret. I know my brother was really, like, embarrassed about it too.” (Interview 28) |
Selectively sharing MAiD with others | “We certainly informed our children but only after the diagnosis was terminal … . We told them that that [MAiD] was going to be a part of the process for her. And … her immediate family. Yeah. So we really didn’t discuss it. We informed, you know, the people that mattered.” (Interview 4) “Once she was gone it was … almost like a hierarchy of who this story belonged to. And I think until dad became more comfortable with talking about it, I didn’t talk about it as openly.” (Interview 21) “No one knows other than a core set of friends and family, how she chose to go … I think in her generation there was still a stigma, which saddens me.” (Interview 25) “It’s happened quite a few times where I’ve been talking about her and someone asks a question ‘cause clearly they don’t know [about MAiD]. And I have that moment where I have to decide whether or not I want to tell the whole thing.” (Interview 40) |
Waiting to tell others about MAiD | “She was buried with her parents and she’s a Catholic. Nonpractising, of course. Then we realized we could be refused. That is, we were told not to say it [MAiD] right away, to wait until later.” (Interview 39) |